la mariposa

2.1.10

This New Year

A new year has come, it supposed to mean that one year passed by and another year comes in.
Goodbye 2009 and welcome2010.
Preview about my previous year, there has so many things happened, good one, sadness, guilt and the most of things is I'm pretty realized that my life had changed so much!!!!
I'm already become somebody who I have been dreamed for so long but never expected to happen. Somebody who really need to grown even stronger than I did before. Somebody who knowingly can lose ones very dearly any moment but still need to have some courageous to accompany and staying, just like accompany somebody to facing the death. Yeah, I take for granted that everything has a cost.
Then, no regret at all when the whole holiday plan had changed, cause his health and physical recovery is the most important thing compare with, 'just--incredible or ordinary instead--crhristmas and new year holiday'and my first to be honest.
So! we're staying at home, spending time simply with talking about our self, our dreams, our next plan, other possibilities and doin our hobbies who never thouched when our crush time comin to take their turn. Nice to be disconnected with the whole things for a while and trying to get better when everything comes in, then.
Feeling knowing and seeing, if I still have my own normal life is not bad, and really feeling glad when it come back to me.
Yeah, pretty good anyway.
Even though sometime I think, what better my old life, silent, easy goin, and I have privacy who I missed the most right now. Compare with things I've in this time, love, new families, new friends,new experiences, travels, and everything that I had learned and made me so much stronger than before.
This is my way, my steps and i think I want to steps still, as long as I could and as Long as

5.12.09

Poor Me??

I simply can't think about my own stuff,
Am I too demand to others?
Am I too selfish?
Am I too much?
Sometimes I feel what poor of my self, having no friend to share or to help me to solve my problem, but sometimes I feel that, it was no matter for me, because even if I share with my friend, they can't give me a favour, no judgement but at least I know their capabilities.
This time I just hope that somebody come to rescue me from this mess, no Friend alredy can help me, can take me out from here.
Or I have to wait with no limit so I can stand in to my own stage?
I don't want to wait any longer, but what can I do?
I have nothing to deliver me to my own dreams.
I just can dream, I just can hope, no more.......................

1.12.09

My Fear

In the pretty sunny autumn afternoon, finally I can see you reached your biggest aim. Having always shadowed by other aliens, weeks and weeks and months after months but at the end, your shoot performances can be prove to all the people and you can raise your head to anyone who underestimates.
Sure it was one of your wonderful day on this year, this achievement also salvaging you from the worse season since you step in to this way.
Congratulation anyaway..............
Sure you know, if I always, always certain that someday you can deserve everything you should. I never lose my confident in you, whatever goin on in you or wherever you are in. Because for me all the same, you're my champion, best from the best. All you need is time to prove, and that weekend is of your time.
My eyes just swam with tears when you finish this year with very incredible achievement, and what happy I'm, to see you very pleased with your self.
But then, when I see you cheering and laughing so happily with him as if he is never be your rival along last 3 years. My fear suddenly appeared. I'm straight away remember what he said just day before. How could I imagine about what will goin on in next year?
What if my fear become real?
What if he has another time when you come to his side?
Can you both keep your 9 years already friendship save, still?
This rivalry is pretty hard thing for me to face on. Betwen my dearly lover, and two of my best friends, three persons keep their battle on track and they want to be the one who will be the best and I don't know how thing will goin for years. With me just can stay hiding inside, because no more place for me to stay out without split into three to cheering them. Just try to keep this rivalry, love and friendship on peace all time. Am I too selfish??????????